Why only children aren't lonely and have a skill other kids don't

Americans are having fewer kids than in previous generations. The average number of children people ages 20 to 39 plan to have dropped from 2.3 in 2012 to 1.8 in 2023. Rising costs and later parenthood are two big reasons. But even as family sizes shrink, old stereotypes about only children persist.

In 2023, 44% of U.S. adults said two kids is the ideal number, and 45% said three or more. Only a small minority thought one child was best. Many worry that only children grow up lonely or entitled, since they don't have to share attention or resources with siblings. But modern psychology tells a different story.

Debunking the myth of the lonely only child

The idea that only children are selfish or spoiled isn't new. In 1896, early psychological research labeled them as 'jealous, selfish, egotistical, dependent, aggressive, domineering, or quarrelsome.' But a 2020 study in Personality and Individual Differences found no difference in arrogance, entitlement, or narcissism between only children and those with siblings.

So what about loneliness? Psychologists say only children actually develop a unique social skill: comfort around adults. Dr. Allen Masry told Newsweek that only children 'tend to interact more with adults,' which makes them at ease in adult company from an early age. Psychologist Rachel Loftin agreed, noting that this confidence 'may sometimes be mistaken for growing up faster, but it does not necessarily reflect accelerated emotional development.'

Only children speak out: 'There's no kids table'

Three months ago, a TikToker named PumpkinToadlet68 shared a personal take on this dynamic. They described only children as a 'third-wheel' in their parents' marriage, because many parents of one child 'want the experience of having a child, but they don't want their entire lives to be about children.'

While that's just one person's view, many only children agreed in the comments:

'I always explain being an only child by saying there's no kids table. You learn to behave properly from a young age, manners, speak intelligently and without fear to adults.'

'For me, it was like living with two roommates who tolerated each other and had a child. Then when I got older, I got updated to the third roommate.'

'When I'd go to my friend's house (who had 6 siblings), I was shocked they were constantly running and jumping around the house! Like, why are you running?? I realize now that I was raised to be a mini adult.'

How this changes family planning decisions

The myth that only children are lonely and entitled is unfair to both kids and their parents. It may have discouraged many couples from having just one child, even when that was the right choice for them. Now that psychologists are speaking out about the real benefits, families can make more informed decisions based on facts, not outdated stereotypes.

For a society grappling with declining birth rates and changing family structures, this shift in understanding matters. It challenges us to rethink what a healthy family looks like and to support all parenting choices with evidence, not judgment.